I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
