U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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