the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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