we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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