"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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