It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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