Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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