Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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