i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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