just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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