His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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