i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
