cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Barsexuality is the new black.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
