I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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