you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize