So drunk its hurt
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
