even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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