you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
