The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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