Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize