I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
