Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
