pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I think a kid would responsible me up
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
