I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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