I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
