We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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