Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
