I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
