Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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