my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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