I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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