Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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