At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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