there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
