Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
