everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I should be sponsored by Trojan
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
