I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
