I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
