Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
