Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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