it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
