I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
