He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
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