I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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