Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
