you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
