Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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