Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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