I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
COCAINE IS GR8
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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