My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize