Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
