All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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