Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
