Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
