Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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