He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
