I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
