I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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