Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
