He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
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