At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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