well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
