somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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